The Letter
by JanetD
Summary: This is the story of a letter that Ryan receives from his father in prison.


**Title:** The Letter (1/1)  
**Date Written:** 9/01/03  
**Author: **JanetD  
**Rating:** G   
**Summary:** This is the story of a letter that Ryan receives from his father in prison.  
**Author's Notes:** Although in an earlier story I had gotten rid of Ryan's brother Trey, here he is alive and well (alive and well and in prison, that is g).  
**Disclaimer:** This is a work of fiction. The characters in this story are borrowed from the TV show "The O.C.". No money is being made from this story. Any resemblance of a character in this story to any real person living or dead is purely coincidental. Likewise, any resemblance between an organization depicted in this story and any such actual organization is purely coincidental.   
  
Ryan and Seth had just arrived home from school. As was his custom, Seth stopped at the end of the driveway to get the mail. As the boys walked up the drive together, Seth looked through the three or four envelopes he held, and discovered a letter for Ryan.  
  
Hey, Ryan. There's a letter here for you.  
  
Ryan said, and reached out his hand. Taking the envelope, he recognized his mother's handwriting. Curious, he tore open the envelope. Instead of notepaper or stationary inside, he found a second sealed envelope. Removing that, he saw his name was written on the front along with the old address in Chino. But it was the return address that got his attention. It read:  
  
Frank Atwood  
c/o Avenal State Prison  
P.O. Box 8  
Avenal, CA. 93204  
  
It's from my dad, Ryan said, surprise and mild apprehension playing quickly across his features.   
  
Ryan hadn't seen or heard from his father since he'd gone to prison for armed robbery almost three years before. Walking into the kitchen, the teen pulled a sharp knife from a drawer and cleanly slit the top of the envelope. He took out the paper inside and read:  
  
Dear Ryan,  
  
I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to tell you that I have joined a 12-step program here in the prison. I think it's really helping me to become a better person. I am up to step 9, and that's where you apologize to the people you have wronged, and try to make amends.   
  
You and your mother and brother are at the top of the list for people I have wronged, Ryan, so I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't a better father to you. I'm sorry I wasn't a better provider. And I'm sorry for all those times I hit you when I was drunk. You were just a kid and didn't deserve to be treated like that.   
  
If you are willing, and your mom will bring you, I would like you to come and visit me. If you don't want to see me I understand, but I would really like to see you, son.  
  
Dad  
  
  
Seth watched with interest as Ryan raised his head from reading the letter.   
  
What's it say? he asked.  
  
Ryan thrust out the letter to him. Here, read it.  
  
He looked on in silence as Seth quickly read through the short letter.  
  
So, what do you think? Seth said.  
  
I don't know what to think.  
  
Well, do you think you might want to see him?  
  
Ryan's expression conveyed his mixed feelings on the subject. I don't know.   
  
He took back the sheet of paper from Seth, and stuffed it into the envelope. Then picking up his backpack from where he had laid it on the table, he headed for the pool house. When he got inside, he took the letter out of the envelope and read it again, his face displaying a myriad of emotions. Then he propped the letter up on his desk.  
  
--+--  
  
Later that afternoon, Ryan was at his desk doing his homework. Every once in a while he would let his eyes fall on his father's letter, still propped up on the desk where he had left it. Eventually, he sat back in his chair, and sighed. He was having a hard time concentrating on his school work. The letter kept intruding into his thoughts.   
  
In frustration, he wondered, Why now? Why did he have to send this now? Just when I've finally found people who care about me, who want to help me make a better life.   
  
Ryan honestly didn't know how he felt about his father's proclamation about being sorry and turning over a new leaf via a self-help group. He couldn't even come up with an answer to the question of whether he wanted to see his dad again.  
  
There was just so much baggage there. So much pain and mistrust. Reopening that door of his life would make him vulnerable, leave him wide open to being hurt all over again. And after the recent experience with his mother, he just didn't know if he could go through that again.  
  
--+--  
  
Ryan was still working at his desk about an hour later when he heard a knock at the door. He looked up and saw Sandy through the glass, and beckoned him inside.  
  
Sandy came in, and pulled the door closed behind him.  
  
Hi, Ryan. How's it going?  
  
Ryan sat back.   
  
Sandy decided to get right to the point. Seth told me about the letter you got from your dad.  
  
When Ryan didn't say anything, Sandy prompted, How do you feel about that?  
  
Ryan's face crinkled in a frown. I don't know. It's like...I finally feel things are going right in my life, and now my dad.... There are a lot of bad memories there, you know?  
  
Sandy nodded sympathetically. I understand. And it's your decision, Ryan. But if you'll let me give you some advice, I think you need to give this letter some serious thought and decide what it is you do want to do. You may be tempted to just put off making a decision about the whole thing, but don't do that. Trust me, if you do, it will just continue to gnaw at you, and that's no good. Okay?  
  
Ryan considered what Sandy had said for a moment, then answered, Okay, thanks.  
  
Sandy offered a small smile. You're welcome. Now, Kirsten says that dinner will be on in about twenty minutes. Okay?  
  
Yeah, okay.  
  
With a nod, Sandy departed.  
  
---+---  
  
Early the next evening, Ryan walked into the study where Sandy was working. As he waited for the older man to give him his attention, he loosely clasped his hands together in front of him at belt-buckle height, then bounced lightly on his feet in an unconscious attempt to dissipate some of his nervous energy.  
  
When a moment later Sandy did raise his head, Ryan said without preamble, I've thought about it, and I don't want to see my dad. Maybe later, but not now.  
  
Sandy nodded. Neither his expression nor tone of voice conveyed any censure as he made his reply. Okay. Well, then I think you need to write him, and let him know that.   
  
Ryan looked immediately agitated and began to twist one hand in the other. I know, but...what do I say to him, Thanks, Dad, but no thanks'? That would go over great.  
  
Sandy smiled reassuringly. You just tell him what you just told me--you're not ready to see him yet. Hopefully, he'll understand, and if not, well...at least you've been honest with him.   
  
Ryan nodded, but still clearly wasn't happy about the prospect.  
  
And it would be nice, Ryan, if you also put something in there about being glad he's in a self-help program and working on straightening out his life. Wish him well, maybe. But only, Sandy hastened to add, if that's what you really feel.  
  
Ryan nodded. Yeah, okay, he answered glumly.  
  
Observing the teen's demeanor, Sandy couldn't help but be a little amused by the gloom-and-doom he was projecting, but decided to push Ryan for just a little more.  
  
And you know, Ryan, I bet your dad would like it if you enclosed a picture of yourself. He hasn't seen you in almost three years. He must be wondering what you look like now.  
  
I don't know... Although Ryan had been willing to go along with the rest of Sandy's suggestions, his expression made it clear that he was far from certain that this last was palatable to him.  
  
Come on, Sandy cajoled, what's it going to hurt?  
  
After several seconds, Ryan reluctantly conceded,   
  
Sandy smiled. Good. We'll get the digital camera out after dinner, and take your picture. Then we can print off a copy on the color printer, and you'll be all set.  
  
Ryan nodded his agreement.  
  
---+---  
  
It was late the next evening, and Ryan was working on the letter for his dad. He had already discarded two previous attempts and was struggling over attempt number three. Now he put his pen down, and looked again at the photo of himself that he was going to send along with the letter. Just as Sandy had said he would, he'd taken Ryan's picture the night before (four times to be exact), and then Seth had printed out the picture on the color printer.  
  
Ryan hadn't been able to pick which of the four photos to use, so Kirsten had made the selection for him. Looking at the picture again, Ryan realized that it really was the obvious choice because it had been the only photograph in which his smile wasn't forced. It was the last picture taken, and was shot right after Seth had made a joking suggestion about Ryan trying out as a male model for one of those teen magazines. Ryan had smiled at the absurdity of that idea, and while he wasn't looking, Sandy had snapped the picture.  
  
The photograph showed him relaxed and smiling in an easy fashion. It had been taken on the couch in the living room, and was shot from the waist up. He was wearing a short-sleeved blue shirt, open in front, over a white tee-shirt. Ryan had to admit it was a good picture of him.  
  
With a sigh, he turned back to his partially-finished letter. Some ten minutes later, he finally had a version that satisfied him, and paused a moment before signing his name at the bottom.  
  
The letter read:  
  
Dear Dad,  
  
I got your letter. Since you sent it to the old address I guess you don't know that Mom has moved, and I'm living with a new family now. Their name is Cohen, and they are really nice people. They have a son my age--Seth--and we get along great.  
  
I guess you also may not know that Trey is serving time up in Lancaster for stealing a car and some other gun and drug offenses. He's in for 30 months.  
  
Thanks for asking me to come visit, Dad, but I can't. I'm just not ready to do that yet. I'm sorry.   
  
I am glad to hear that you're in a 12-step program, and I hope that works out for you.  
  
Mr. Cohen suggested I send you this picture of me. If you don't want it, you can throw it away.  
  
Ryan   
  
  
Ryan read the letter through once more, then folded it and the picture together. He slipped the folded sheets of paper into the stamped envelope that Kirsten had given him earlier. He had already put his dad's address and his own return address on the front. He hesitated for a couple seconds, then licked and sealed the envelope. Then setting the letter back down on the desk, he got up to get ready for bed.  
  
The next morning before leaving for school Ryan walked down to the end of the drive to put the letter in the mailbox. He opened the box, then stood there for several seconds with the letter in his hand before finally sticking it inside, and shutting the mailbox door decisively. Taking just a second to raise the flag for the mailman, he then hurried back up the pavement to meet Seth and Kirsten who were just coming out of the house in preparation for the drive to school.  
  
The End (i.e., of the story)


End file.
